Movies & TV Series

Lame flick about a man (Keanu Reeves) who fights demons in the hope that he’ll get into heaven by way of “services provided.” The problem, however, is that he doesn’t believe… he knows. The good part about this movie is that you won’t be tempted to see the sequel.

A huge treasure, three brothers and three map pieces is the gist of the story. Well, not really. One brother kills the other two, but hasn’t figured on his niece, the great pirate Morgan Adams (Geena Davis), wanting the treasure for herself. So it’s actually good pirate versus bad pirate fighting for treasure, whilst corrupt governor and his inept troops seek both plus whole treasure. Unbelievable action and uninteresting characters send this one straight down to Davy Jones’ Locker. It even makes Pirates of the Caribbean: DMC & AWE look good. Almost.

A frustrated man (Michael Douglas) leaves his car on the stalled freeway and takes a rightous journey across the city to his ex-wive’s house to be with his daughter on her birthday. Along the way he tangles with various unsavioury characters and leaves a strange trail of destruction in his wake trying to put right what’s wrong with his country. The cop on his last day at work (Robert Duval) as the only person figuring things out is a good touch.

Irwin “Fletch” Fletcher (Chevy Chase) inherits a dilapidated Southern mansion and right from the start things go wrong. With the help of Calculus (Cleavon Little), Fletch tries to find out why a mysterious “investor” is so dead set on buying his land, runs off a bunch of rent-a-KKK, tangles with a TV-ministry and infiltrates a biker gang. Hilarious disguises and witty commentary make this a movie for more than one viewing.

Glory is the story of the 54th Massachusetts Volunteer Regiment, the first formal unit of the Union Army to be made up entirely of African-American men (apart from the officers). The film depicts the formation and training of the regiment to the fateful assault on Fort Wagner. An important film that is unfortunately badly made and cast. Matthew Broderick is hopelessly lost as the colonel of the regiment and is overshadowed by several less important characters played by great actors like Denzel Washington and Cary Elwes.

That said about the movie, I can only further comment that this movie is also important in showing the results (albeit simulated) of inept commanders and the total lack of military strategy. Soldiers lining up to face each other and then shoot until one side runs away is just plain ludicrous. OK, not as idiotic as sending a whole regiment running across an open beach to attack a fort defended by cannons and a thousand rifles.

Randall Peltzer (Hoyt Axton) brings home a strange creature called a mogwai as a Christmas gift for his son, Billy (Zach Galligan). But beware, there are three rules that must be obeyed regarding the care of the mogwai: avoid bright lights (especially sunlight, as that would kill it), don't get it wet and, most important of all, don't feed it after midnight. Needless to say, things go wrong as the rules get broken and soon the sleepy town is overrun by gremlins. I cannot understand how it gets recommended as a movie for children, as the gremlins and their antics are somewhat scary. Nevertheless, it's a fun movie.

Gizmo, the mogwai from the first movie, is captured by bio-engineers with offices in the same New York City building where Billy (Zach Galligan) and Kate (Phoebe Cates) work. Needless to say, soon the building is overrun by gremlins. The fun starts when the gremlins get into the “formulae” developed by said bio-engineers and turn into all manner of mutations. It is obvious that the producers took a very light-hearted view of the movie, which intentionally can be very funny at times. Movie escapism at its best.

Vinnie (Steve Martin) is a New York hoodlum who rats on his boss and is relocated to some small town (near San Diego) by the Justice Department. Barney (Rick Moranis) is the FBI agent assigned to keep tabs on him until the trial. Lame attempt at the fish-out-of-water (Vinnie), boy-meets-girl (Barney and the local DA), hoodlum-with-the-heart-of-gold (again Vinnie) story. To quote Shrek: “You want some eggs with that ham?”

Good remake of the classic Rat Pack vehicle, with plenty of humour and an excellent heist. Only this time crime does pay… or at least until the second installment.

The storyline involving Tess detracts a bit from what’s obviously a guy flick, especially since she’s played by Julia Roberts. But that’s just my opinion.

The premise of the movie is good, with Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) giving our crew fourteen days to pay back the money they stole from him, with interest, or die. This then basically sets the goal of the story... to steal the $97 million they're short. Unfortuanately from then on the movie goes downhill fast. They go to Amsterdam, tangle with a thief called The Night Fox (Vincent Cassel, but nothing compared to David Niven as The Phantom) and a Europol agent (Catherine Zeta-Jones in the most bland role of the year). Needless to say, they succeed in the end, with an unnecessary soppy sub-ending. Although never really predictable, the story does leave you with that empty feeling afterwards of was this it?

The crew of The Black Pearl set out to rescue Jack Spa... sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Davy Jones’s Locker; Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) wants to rescue his father from The Flying Dutchman; and Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) wants... well, I couldn't figure out what he wants, but since he’s the primary villain he must want something. Lots of CGI later and everyone gets what they want or what’s due to them. Meanwhile, the romance between Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) and Will falters and James Norrington (Jack Davenport) gets conveniently killed off in a brief appearance. Utterly stupid movie, which is nicely summed up by one of Beckett’s officers: “Do you think he plans it all out or just makes it up as he goes along?”

As in the previous installments, Johnny Depp makes the movie. Guest star Keith Richards, as Sparrow’s father, is one of the few highlights. After these, the monkeys playing Jack are the best actors.

The Russians and the Irish are both after a mysterious suitcase. After being outbid, the Irish decide to steal it and assemble a team of freelance experts to carry out the theft. As can be expected, things go wrong and the team is betrayed, by their employers and by one of their own. Sam (Robert De Niro) and Vincent (Jean Reno) decide to recover the suitcase in lieu of payment. Lots of car chases later, everyone gets what they deserve and the two part as friends. OK flick for one viewing.

Alex Rogan (Lance Guest) refuses to accept his fate of living in a trailer park and going to city college like his friends, but when his big opportunity arrives it is beyond comprehension. It turns out the video game he constantly plays to vent his frustration is in reality a test to recruit new starfighters to “defend the frontier from Xur and the Kodan armada.” Reluctant at first, Alex soon discovers that this is his true calling and saves the day (and universe). Not much of a story really, but still an enjoyable formula movie.

A group of armed men hijack a New York subway train and hold the passengers ransom. The city has one hour to pay one million dollars or the hostages will be executed. A tight thriller, laced with ample black humour. They don’t make ’em like this anymore.

Machines have taken over. Humanity is fighting back. We’re winning. In a last ditch effort the machines send a terminator back in time to kill the mother of the leader of the resistance before he is born. An excellent take on the grandfather paradox as we send someone back after the terminator. The special effects are somewhat dated, but makes up for it with credibility and suspense.

An action-packed rehash of the second installment. Not only does the ending proclaim that Judgement Day is inevitable, but the hero of humanity (aka John Conner) is such a neurotic whiner that all hope is lost.

Harry Tasker (Arnold Schwarzenegger) leads a double life. Everyone, including wife and daughter, thinks he’s a boring computer salesman, but he is in actual fact a super agent for Omega (“The Last Line of Defence”). The story is about some terrorist group that purchase ex-Soviet MIRV warheads and plan to blow them in American cities. Credibility is gleefully tossed aside (to quote Leonard Maltin), which results in movie escapism of the best kind.